I’ll admit I would have enjoyed these flavor names better if, every time you opened a can, they were pronounced in some sort of Bill Hader voice.

“What you do have is my word. And it’s stronger than oak.”

Six-stem salami bouquet just ordered for my beautiful bride. We’ve been doing low-carb together for 7 months.

Prediction: Amazon will offer a service to go into your house to test the food while you’re away.

You’re gonna need a Snackapult.

I don’t know how to compliment your user name without feeling like Harvey Weinstein.

The next step.

Before that, this was known as the “Philly Special.”

He don’t want none unless he’s got dung, hun.

This guy.

Frosted? I’m in.

The only thing Butler went deep on during Super Bowl Sunday was his references.

My wife said, “Giselle was right. Tommy can’t throw AND catch.”

I still can’t get past this logic:

One of your answers invalidates the rest.

One day, someone will answer the Great Mysteries of the Universe:

Too many people worry about the sauce and forget the chicken.

Clearly you know nothing about me. But thanks for trying.

First day I drove in Alaska, I took the company Subaru wagon out for a spin south of Anchorage on a wonderfully sunny February day. Went to make a U-turn on the two-lane Seward Highway south of town and - me being raised in Florida - heard a sickening crunch as the passenger-side wheels crunched in deep snow that had…