Imagine the look on their faces if they ever faced Judgment.

The World’s third oldest profession, after journalist.

I think he looks like a failed clone of James Woods with even deader eyes.

If he’d been a deli clerk, he couldn’t’ve gotten laid in a whorehouse.

Hey, man! Cardiovascular health is a construct!

A lil’ sump’m for ya...

All I can say is at least some of them have figured out they don’t HAVE TO wear a god damned cowboy hat to genre signal. The same-y-ness of male country music vocalists is fucking uncanny. It transcends parody.

This explains why country radio smells like stale urine and ball sweat.

“The report also notes that arming teachers nationwide would take up an estimated 30 percent of the federal education budget...”

Parody is protected. He’s made a killing off that for years.

Let’s call that cotton candy look of his “The Jocasta.”

The hair makes sense to me now.

You forgot Michael Avenatti.

Starred for slagging off Splinter.

I bought an accursed Instant Pot, but I could never figure out how to get the lid on it, so I gave it to my niece. She swears by it.

.

Best Buy has 2018 iPads on sale now. Get yourself a Christmas present.

Crunches, bro.

We are staring down the barrel of a 9-inch “snow and ice event” tonight through tomorrow. So at this moment, I am sous vide-ing two boneless ribeyes; Ms Street is roasting Yukon Golds and saute-ing fresh spinach; and I’m finding that vodka in orange-flavored seltzer is just my cup of tea. 

You never know. Sometimes people can see through those bad “auditions” to the real person inside. Would I rather hire the person who wants the job so much he/she stresses out in the interview or the person who just wants a job and knows how to interview well? Unless you’ve already heard back that you didn’t get the…