What I gathered from that article is that you are only allowed to die when a bunch of other people say it's okay for you to. But that's not euthanasia. Somehow.

I heard that in Craig Ferguson's sexy voice.

Well I did my best. I just hope moving here wasn't a terribad idea after all. We'll see how the Austin mayoral rundown goes. That was also a disappointment, but we'll see how things go.

Why would they vote for that vile man? Are the rest of us white girls just uneducated twits?

I was always a little miffed, living in NM and having to listen to that jingle. It's not just a Texas thing. YOU CANT OWN EVERYTHING TEXAS.

Delicious sorcery. That's what it is.

They are actually some of the better fast food tacos I've had. Much better than Taco Bell. Course nothing beats my hometown's Taco Box. Yeah, that's right. Taco Box. Put a Pink in front of that and it's all kinds of sexual innuendo. Damn good fast food 'mexican' though.

I've only recently had my first experience with public propositioning. It wasn't a catcall exactly. I was waiting for a friend to pick me up outside of my apartment when a car pulled up. I figured someone wanted directions, so I asked if I could help him. He asked me if I had a boyfriend. I stammered out a yes and…

Wait, what? JITB serves breakfast ALL DAY?

I see less 'spaced out' and more 'so done with this shit.' I think when she's older, she will have master resting bitch face. I already admire her.

Dinosaurs like to hang yo

I don't know, ever heard of a male bonding thing like spending a week in the wilderness? There are plenty of ways guys can bond without being all hazy.

It's even worse when you listen to the Willie Nelson cover.

My cat has very stinky poops. Like horrible stinky poops. The vet cleared him and all, but this litter, specifically the Multi Cat formula, makes the house so much more livable.

Dear America,

In all fairness, they have been brainwashed themselves. I feel more sorry for them than anything else.

I bet the ladies have never complained. Amirite?

Maybe they were unconsciously uncoupled for a while now and it only came to them seven months ago.

Not a mom either, so I have zero excuses. Yeah, I have this irrational fear that I'll be caught on People of Walmart one day. But then I realize it's 1 am and I am not putting on real person clothes just to pick up a [insert random item here].

That doesn't mean I'm not gonna try. Greg Abbott makes my skin crawl.