I pretty much lost interest in pro football this year. I no longer set my Sundays (or Monday nights or Thursday nights) by it. It’s too much - oversaturation of games, the laughable system of fines/punishments which seem to be made up on the fly, and the hypocrisy of the owners/commissioner talking about player safety…

You blew a once in a lifetime headline.

I wish I had an automatic lock button in my office.
I’d use it to keep people out, though.

Except that everything he said was true.

You should probably not get married.

4 rules for wedding planning: short ceremony, good food, good booze, and good music.

That’s bullshit. Alcohol doesn’t change your personality. It just silences one of these guys.

Meh. Nobody owes you an apology.

Katie, if someone had written this about the Obama daughter’s teenage years, what would you have thought?

But Wal-Mart is amazing for the people watching though. I always pretend like I’m an anthropologist studying a more primitive culture every time I have to go in there. I try to alternate between a David Attenborough or Steve Irwin inner monologue depending on what I see.

Ever been to Ross? Women clamouring for discounted dresses and shoes, running all over the place. Knocking into you as you’re being dragged around. I have seen a legit fist fight between two girls there and then the two boyfriends fought. It was awesome.

The worst store is always any store your wife drags you into. Target, Hobby Lobby, Sephora, Forever 21, doesn’t matter. She will take 17,000 goddamn years to look at every item 67 times and then leave with something she found the first 5 minutes you were there. And it’s always the case that you can’t go wander off on…

I once was about to buy a cart full of stuff from Hobby Lobby. But I decided to pull out at the last minute.

Any furniture store.

Shit, when I was 22, 25 seemed old.

Donald Trump and Anthony Davis have very little to do with this IMO.

Here’s mine:

Here’s my bacon cooker: