You sound like my kinda people. Let’s hang out.

Isn’t that pretty much what one may do when in the midst of a mental breakdown?

*reaches into bag, pulls out hot sauce

My grandmother was so badass. I remember, as a kid, taking walks on Florida beaches with her. One particular walk, tons upon tons of man-o-war had washed up on the beach. Her 86 year old feet were so hardened she would simply step right on them, thus popping them, not a fuck to give. Every year I would get one wrapped…

I am SO beyond pissed that Garry Shandling was left out if the In memoriam. What the actual fuck? The man was a comedy Buddha. He was kind to up and coming, struggling comedians, always had uplifing words and advice for struggling humans. Not to mention he is the sole reason shows like The Office and Parks and Rec…

THC lube, gluten free barbecue sauce, and gasoline someone got on their shoe.

“Where’s your mommy? In the energy all around us, or hell, or heaven, or purgatory. We should’ve baptized him on second thought”.

A bit off topic; I had a woman, in all seriousness, ask me what happened when a dog and cat had sex and produced offspring. Granted, she didn’t ask me quite in that verbiage, but still, Shew. My god, how does one live that long...chick was 45 years old. Fuck a dog, honey, find out yourself, don’t ask me.

Didn’t Kate come out against JLaw saying that it was improper to talk about money, being all snobby, basically saying she’s fine with the gender wage gap? It doesn’t surprise me she loves a douchey, pussy possum Leo. And just a side note, he's always struck me as someone who is tremendously bad in bed, like, just…

The "Top That" reference from Teen Witch makes you my favorite person in the world in this minute.