Sorry Folks, Tub’s Taken

And to think, reporting on bathing with bears is how this whole mess started. Well played.

Why did they cut it off before Putin comes up for air? smdh

I love Bear Fridays!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can’t bankrupt a good bear!!!

Do not Google “Bears in bathtubs” at work unless you work somewhere very progressive and/or somewhere in the midst of a bankruptcy.

You’ve seen those articles where it looks like the author is “Girl” because of the font? That’s the one. It’s Giri apparently.

What if this was the last Deadspin article ever?

How do we make your comment appear as the actual article and the article appear as some ill-informed comment below?

I don’t think any historian suggested they were used against troops ever, thats a Hollywood thing. But they were absolutely used so the claim they rarely were is kinda garbage.

Could have done an ocular patdown.

Wait — I thought that All Takes Matter was the joke name given by Deadspin.

Headline: Bald Eagle Pummels Canadian Goose After All

Correct. I grew up in northern Minnesota and we used to chase them back to Canada. It’s like a giant bird shit covered in feathers.

As someone who spent many a day running the trails in the park next to our apartment in Denver while dodging massive, never-ending piles of goose shit...

I have no stance on eagles, beyond the opinion that they should spend more time killing geese.

I don’t know what part of the Midwest you were in, but around here everyone thinks they are a trash bird that spends its time shitting on golf courses. And walking around with a conveniently golf ball sized head at the end of a long golf tee like neck, acting like I wouldn’t murder its smug ass given half a chance.

Thanks to universal health care in Canada, however, the goose is fine. The Eagle, on the other hand, is a low-wage-earning diabetic that can’t get time off from work when her kids are sick. So, you know, call it a tie.

I wish they would combine the two, so I could hook up with a chick and sell her my used lawnmower at the same time.

I always vote for myself because I’m a selfish jerk.

Fuck the other team. BETTER DEAD THAN RED