As a Houstonian, I just shot out a laugh.

Can you imagine the poor baby licking the mom's armpits? I don't wanna overuse the Nathan Fillion gif, but fuck.

Yeah, if someone did that to me, and then started with "she's fighting the patriarchy", I'd pack my shit up and leave. If this movie is how you think fighting the patriarchy should go, I sure as hell wouldn't want to sleep on the same bed as you. I haven't seen this movie, nor do I plan to, but holy hell, this is not…

We've always used the proper terms with our kiddo (I'm a biologist, I'm not going to call it a wee-wee or a hoo-haa or whatever). She was then told by other kids she was saying "bad words." Her teacher started to tell her not to say those and she proudly said "My mommy says those are the right words and not to use…

They probably didn't know. That's why we medical people are screened once a year. TB has an indolent, nonspecific prodrome. In lay terms, it's slow, and the symptoms aren't glaringly TB. That's why we are torn whenever someone is admitted with an undiagnosed lung lesion. Do we need to put them on full TB precautions,…

Because teenagers. Hugging your mother is sooo lame.

literal lols. +1

I would be remiss if I did not point out how amazing this guy is for being such a good wingman for his fish. You don't want to date him? Fine. He's got 23 fish to introduce to you. They are tropical as fuck and ready to mingle. No hard feelings.

You need more stars.

My sister's friend had seven abortions working at home for Google!!! Click to learn more!!!

She should have all the abortions she wants. Are you going to raises her children? Do you think forcing a woman to raise a child she does not want is best for the kid? Why punish the baby?

D- for trolling. We've all heard the sister's friend with seven abortions.

Making this about myself for a second.

That is incredibly sweet. And it definitely beats strapping a newborn to the train and dragging it along the aisle in terms of incorporating offspring into the event.

So, let me get this straight, Reddit.

At least you have a shot at having the weather get cold this year.

right? Kinda Andy Warhol, but in a bad way, no?

I'm baffled by the first few rows of the audience. Is it the aristocracy? Why are they so unaffected?

At the beach?! Oh Jesus no, no, there goes any desire I had to go swimming on my next West Coast trip. Our New England beaches might be full of foot-slicing rocks and cold water and assholes in salmon-colored pants, but at least we don't have rodents (outside of Hyannisport, yuk yuk).

By staring at them and pointing their dick at them while masturbating.