I had a micropeen encounter. actually a few, but only with one particular penis. The guy was about 6'3" and very sweet and cute and smart and funny. Due to knowing his job I knew he made a bundle of money, he was handsome, his parents were doctors, and most of all, despite being socially comfortable, he was kind of…

My cat Pixel would jump into the tub and pee into the drain when I was peeing in the toilet, to keep me company. His aim was so perfect that there was never any odor; I was very impressed.

People do that to me in the library all the time. They'll walk up to the reference desk and look me in the eye and just say "Clifford." or "Elephants?" I like to dish it back at them until they get the point. "Lions." "Book?" "Yes." "Non-fiction?" "Yes." "Grade?" "... ... It's for my fifth grader who yadda yadda…

Even if I don't have to pee before showering, as soon as I put my hand in the spray to check the temp, I have to go like right then. Half the time I jump in the shower before the water is warm enough so I don't pee on the floor.

I truly don't understand people's hangups over peeing in the shower. If you're in there by yourself, who gives a shit? Your urine is cleaner than your skin, ffs. I don't think I've ever not peed in the shower, except when with partners.

I was bartending a shift for my restaurant's fifth anniversary when three uppity college girls came in and preceded to order elaborate, handcrafted cocktails all night. They were mostly just hanging out to win some of the prizes for our company's anniversary celebration plus snag free food. I mean, they're college…

I keep picking up vibes in the media about how "terrible" the health care professionals are for not doing enough, and I'm all, doing what? Their ranks are decimated, their families have kicked them out of their homes in fear, they're surrounded by the dying, they have no equipment or supplies, the government is a bad…

I really want it to be Brent Spiner.

Hey fellow kiwi (I can only assume). When you said your relationship was abusive, and then you mentioned your little foster kitties, I got very worried, because abusers so often take shit out on animals, even if just to wind up and threaten their human victims. I thought your story was about to get terribly,…

Thank you guys so much...

Please God, in the name of all that is sane and holy, let this story win.

And if someone would be so kind as to pull me up out of the greys, I would be so, so grateful. :)

High fives to all your friends.

It all turned out okay in the end, if that makes you feel better. While I think she probably should have run from the room and never looked back, I have her poor teenage judgment to thank for my existence, so that's a conflict of interest for me.

Sorry, this is long, there are two break ups and they're not really bonkers or funny, but I just wanted to write them down.

This is how my dad broke up with my mom when they were still teenagers. It should be noted that they did get back together, get married, and eventually had a long overdue divorce for which everyone is better off.

I started dating an unrequited crush from college, years after the fact, after we started internet flirting while I was living abroad. I came back for a one month visit over Christmas and we saw each other on the first day and thenpretty much every day after that.

Before I left for a semester abroad in London, I planned to break up with my boyfriend of six months, Chris. He was a class A asshole— case in point, he had a tattoo of a leprechaun playing the bass guitar with one foot in a pot of golden beers on his upper arm. He was a huge stoner (OK full disclosure...so was I) .…

Mine was brutal. I spoke about it at London's version of The Moth. It was the only kind of catharsis I could afford ->

This was not my proudest moment, but when I got dumped by a guy who had sworn eternal love just long enough to hook me and then stomp on my heart, I called a florist, had them cut the heads off a dozen long-stemmed roses and deliver the wrapped-with-a-ribbon box of stems to the asshole during a long business meeting…