omg fuck this gif cause i dont have a lap giraffe

Because babies just grow on trees and adoption is such an easy process on everyone involved right?

Ugh, girl! My father has a gift for picking wackadoos as well. The first one was actually a friend of my mother's that he started sleeping with when I was around 9 or so. We had to change our phone number SO many times, she moved in the same week my mom left, eventually we had to take her to court and have restraining…

Dating musicians is never a good idea.

So you got laid and you were still getting paid for your time?! Gold.

When I was in my early 20's, there was a club that my friends and I went to SO often that we joked about it being cheaper to just pay them rent. We knew everyone. Everyone knew us. My cousin, a 6'8" hulk of a guy, was the bouncer. It was just one of those great (if slightly alcoholic) moments in time.

When I was 15 I used to steal my parents car in the middle of the night, drive 15 miles through LA to my girlfriend's apartment, where she would sneak up to the roof so as to avoid her ex naval officer father hearing us and subsequently murdering me, and have gross teenager sex until 6am. Then, because my girlfriend…

I once played rugby with giant men to impress a guy in college who said he thought it was hot when girls were "tiny but tough." Promptly dislocated my right shoulder and broke my left collarbone, and a rib. Insisted I was fine, even though I couldn't move. Drank a lot, so I could claim the passing out was from the…

literally every mormon i know

YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH! My Emmy can do anything she wants!

omg fuck you for this story

This potato sprout kind of looks like an embryonic hand. It's waving at you! "Hi Cassie!!!"

This was something suggested in "Everything You've Ever Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask," if I remember correctly.

It's like someone was playing a game of contraceptive "telephone" with her. The true yam (aka the "sweet potato" [which are not the same thing, but try telling that to Americans]) is a source of hormones used in making, among other things, contraceptive pills. So you can, actually, make a contraceptive out of a…

Wasn't there a Roald Dahl story about a man who had truffles or something growing in his butt? And then the doctor scraped some off and took it home to his family? And they all ate the butt-truffles and started growing butt-truffles of their own??

This apparently came from the use of yams, or air potatoes, in a tea or other ingested preparation, as a form of contraceptive used by native peoples in the Americas. At some point, it got twisted into inserting a potato into the vagina to prevent or terminate a pregnancy. It is done in the film "The Milk of Sorrows"…

I legit believe in ancient astronaut theory. People laugh uncomfortably as me about it, but I just say "you believe in a make believe man in the sky, I believe in actual men in the sky."

I hope that every anniversary, she gets a card without a return address with a picture of that doll.