Cold chicken or pizza at home is wrong (below a certain blood alcohol level), you are at home and have the means to warm it up.

When ever I buy just a few pieces of supermarket fried chicken (i.e. not the 8 piece) they always put it in a plastic bag. The first thing I do when they hand me that bag is tear it open...you do not let hot fried chicken steam in a plastic bag. 

It's not granted it's grated.

Is there a non disgusting way to give yourself a heart attack?

Respect on Domino’s for a cool promotion, shame on the people who thieved.

South of the border they are called taco puertas and you really don’t want to stick your hot dog into one of them.

But that's not really playing the game now is it?

Ccommunal jelly beans are good for the immune system is what I am hearing.

Let's put him on Ru Paul's Drag Race

I have a magic alley that is inhabited by all kinds of fairies. 

*serve immediately 

Don't ask questions that you really don't want to know the answers to.

You contradict yourself...situational awareness is great and should be practiced at all times, and then there is as you put it terrible luck which with all the situational awareness is still an unforeseen event.

It's scientific fact that you cannot get drunk on lite beer unless you belong to a sorority. 

I made deviled egg roulette for the super boring bowl a couple years ago with some Carolina Reapers I grew.

First the insurance lawyers will “prove” that the Navigator’s driver was not at fault because of “poor city planning” at that intersection or “negligent” driving by the fire department so the city will pay for the damages THEN after “proving” that the Navigator driver is not at fault they will max out that driver’s…

But I can still beat my wife with a rod no thicker than my thumb right?

He hogged them all up, but don't be sow er I am sure there are some little punlets left.

“One restaurant’s secret ingredient for crispy fried chicken”

I can't put my finger on it but something about her story seems a little fleshy.