It's scientific fact that you cannot get drunk on lite beer unless you belong to a sorority. 

I made deviled egg roulette for the super boring bowl a couple years ago with some Carolina Reapers I grew.

First the insurance lawyers will “prove” that the Navigator’s driver was not at fault because of “poor city planning” at that intersection or “negligent” driving by the fire department so the city will pay for the damages THEN after “proving” that the Navigator driver is not at fault they will max out that driver’s…

But I can still beat my wife with a rod no thicker than my thumb right?

He hogged them all up, but don't be sow er I am sure there are some little punlets left.

“One restaurant’s secret ingredient for crispy fried chicken”

I can't put my finger on it but something about her story seems a little fleshy. 

Pringles aren’t really as much scrap potatoes as they are formed mashed potatoes that are fried.

Here you go

Toddlers that you contributed genetic material to, not just random toddlers right?

And then use them for the factory team.

That and hockey games 

I personally will not be satisfied until they mix ALL the flavors together like middle school me at a soda fountain. 

Sir this is a Wendy's 

Alas we don't have a Hardee's on the west coast. 

Thats how Mikey from the Life cereal commercial died.

But I can still beat my wife with a rod no thicker than my thumb right?

Ive been know to call Little Ceasars and ask if anyone has turned in my lost parrot.

McDonald's managers are nose blind to bullshit.

With that kind of ambiance I expect a nice greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray.