Ew, gross. He wants me to buy marinara in a jar???

Carl Lewis is not good at traditional pregame events:

I’m gonna have the same jersey number with the last name YourMomAndMe

Plus one or at least a semi

Dogie Vachon?

Adrian Peterson thinks this guy’s dad is a total badass.

Peter Jackson’s just getting lazier and lazier with the Ents’ special effects.

I thought pummeling frat guys counted as community service.

“Well, I guess your son wins by default again, Mrs. Sandusky.”

Hi Canada,

They could’ve at least been polite and offered to go up on her.

There’s no such thing as rape. Women get alt-romanced.

Nice.

He’s 2 busy 2 spell out “to” or maybe he uses 2 so he doesn’t choose the wrong spelling. Probably the latter.

I think this cause is relevant for them, since they all appear to be cunts.

To be fair, Governor Christie is also a master at creating shade.

This is wonderful.

The whole pool area is its own separate suite. I was lucky enough to be invited a few years ago, and it was glorious. And tacky. But mostly glorious.

Winnie is short for “Winchestington”

Sure, the Warriors blew a 3-1 lead, but Craig James killed 5 hookers, which is more than Obama killed in Benghazi. Really makes you think.