If this is a Morrissey ain’t shit thread, I am here for it. 

I’m actually so surprised at this verdict but elated for his family. She is evil.

“Why doth the peasantry fret so o’er this ‘Black Death’? ” ~Lord Pence, c. 1350 

If you make Big League Chew and stirrup pants great again, I will buy all the crap you sell and then some.

Same! Then came Dimitri in Anastasia.

I don’t understand the being a labelled a sex offender for life thing.

“Just follow the laws and don’t get arrested and accept the consequences when you do get caught breaking the law” -Rich White Men

“Well I think it’s unfair. Throw more money at it to go away. This is going to ruin my future. Please give me some leniency” - also Rich White Men

Yeah, Uday and Qusay don’t seem to have had as much plastic surgery work done as Ivanka, unfortunately (*for our eyeballs).

I... what? Hard of hearing person here. I wear hearing aids... did you know insurance doesn’t cover hearing devices? I managed to eke out 2k of the 7k cost from my insurance... because I have a good plan (and am currently able to work and save, thank goddess), and could make a case that my loss is caused by a disease,…

You cracked the case! All the deaf people got together when the rest of us weren’t looking (except maybe the blind people because you know they’re a bunch of sneaky fucks), and decided they would organize an all-deaf Improv Everywhere skit where they would send 18 volunteers to a Rhode Island movie theater at the same…

THAT’s not the KUSH I was looking for...

“What advantages does this war have over, say, an ethnic cleansing, which I could also afford?”

He’s using the rhetorical argumentation tactics of a child.

It also means he got drunk once and cheated on his wife.

Shut up and stop trying to have sex with me.

Ditto for “Fortunate Son” being some hooray-I’m-American like their misinterpretation of Born in the USA. “Some folks are born made to wave the flag / Ooh, they’re red, white and blue” ... why, this is a good heartwarming song!

I have been to multiple wedding receptions where Garth Brooks’ “The Dance” was played. A song that is literally and obviously about a painful breakup. But people are like yay, dancing, romantic!

I’m convinced that a large percentage of the population has poor listening comprehension.

FACT: to achieve his signature color, Trump must consume 18 cans of spray cheese - every day. Rectally. Bonus fact: the anal injection of pressurised gas is what allows him to achieve that bloated-yet-billowy look.