Raw vegetables LIGHTLY dipped (just the tip) in ranch is the only acceptable way to consume that garbage.

I worked my husband down from medium well to medium rare!

I’m a member of that Facebook group, and they say the dumbest shit ever, but I never thought they were desperate enough to start hacking.

There is something truly amazing about that stock photo, like I can feel what they feel through the screen.

Alas, my many restaurants would have all fired me for this.

Maybe it’s the makeup put on her by the t.v. makeup artist? Not that she doesn’t suck, but ya’ know...

I do like awareness ribbons, because they make me think about my parents. I wear pink for my mum, and maroon/cream for my dad. But no buying pink vacuum cleaners and shit like that.

Tits and ta-tas and jiggling are the LEAST cared about thing when it comes to breast cancer. Fuck the tits, cut ‘em off if it’s the easiest part of the treatment (which it is for most patients).

CLEAN THEIR HOUSES! Yes, please! My mother needs that more than anything!

Naw, he truly is undieable.

Yes, I actually caused all my mother’s teeth to fall out.

I see that all the time! I wonder why that is.

When my nephew was a toddler, he had strep scrotum.

If I had had enough money, my dream honeymoon would have been Tokyo.

Mine went off without a hitch, except for my Ra's Revenge in the end. I was seeing the ocean for the very first time, and I went into the water up to my waist for literally 15 minutes. We had used so much sunblock during our five days at Disney World, we were breaking out in rashes on our necks. So, being a ginger,…

I thought there was marinade in those delicious chewy leg rolls.

I'm borrowing this.

The best throw-away place is Timbuktu, because a lot of people think it's a fake place, like Bum-Fuck Egypt.

Off topic, but... Greatest gif I've ever seen. I am instantly happier.

Yay, post-mastectomy fun!