Well, I've snuck a look at your diary and I know how good of a writer you are, so I still give you all due credit.

Mr. Girardi, you've been doing us a disservice by not submitting more essay pieces. This is fantastic.

They were able to trade it for a gram. They were super-jazzed.

You know, I thought a long time before posting, but figured, "Sure, everyone here's seen Scott Pilgrim and will understand the reference, even with the close proximity of an 'N' to a 'G'."
But I guess it doesn't matter. Just like Hitler's mustache, some things are just off the table for good. And that particular…

My honest-to-goodness favorite is her gravelly pack-a-day laugh.

I had all the awkward, plus all of her corresponding awesomeness worth of even more awkwardness on top of that.
I'm Nega-Jennifer Lawrence.

When candy is outlawed, only outlaws will have candy.

I haven't seen this, but though I have no issue with it existing or adopting a new art style, I balk at the characterization of the original style as dated.
I mean, yes it is dated in that it is a style popularized during a particular fixed period in time, but not as a value judgement. It's like saying art nouveau is…

Man, part of the reason I play fantasy games is to escape to a magical realm where there are no Elmore paintings.

Of all the things I enjoy about Dishonored, one of my favorites is how the developers took the time to apply multiple reflection filters to the oil portraits to better recreate how light would reflect off of the different brush strokes that would be used for the character and background elements.
It makes up for there…

Jeez. I like Michael Cera a lot, but I'm amazed you got a downvote for that. He's not Cary Grant, he's an adorable, chinless man-child with zero muscle mass and limited range. Hardly a universal favorite.

Rightfully so. I'm Steve Buscemi.

With Leviticus being as focused as it is on pairing fabrics and cleanliness, it's effectively the gay book of the Bible.

I still think Michael Cera is a swell kid and I enjoy his movies. I re-watched Scott Pilgrim recently which is still an awesome movie. And Crystal Fairy, which by rights should have been insufferable was really good.

And thanks to all the swoops and curved inclines he designed it with, he's going to be able to build up a lot of momentum for a good roll.

Aaagh! Their mighty Teutonic jawlines and identical asymmetrical-cut grey jackets are coming right at me!

It's pretty crafty how Samantha Nelson made this article a game you can play by yourself!

"What's a scimitar?"

It's not underwater, but may I recommend Sioux Falls?

Either a Final Fantasy or Strangers With Candy character. Ideally, both.