I read it.

I've always hated anime, and everyone told me "Oh, but you'll love Akira!

UH HUH!

Hey, no cuts!

#thisonlyworksontwitter

When your momma sits around the house, she sits around the house!

HEY MA! GET OFF THE DANG SCREEN!

I've never really understood it myself. I mean, Catholics have their issues, but the ones I grew up around were pretty chill, unlike most bible-thumping batshit evangelicals. Thank god I'm an atheist.

It was meant to be more offensive than funny. And to the AV Club's non-existent fundamentalist Christian demographic, it totally worked!

I was raised strict Catholic, and I actually was told not to watch these channels, mainly because most "Christian" (read: Protestant) channels actually include a massive amount of subtle anti-Catholic shit. Seriously, the Know-Nothing Party would've loved these guys.

YES!!! TV Outland! I love this column. Maybe next you guys can explain this "The Learning Channel" station to me… it says it's educational, but it only seems to show reality TV.

Q. What gives Jesus wood?

My friend got the xBox 360's HD-DVD player and about 20 HD-DVD's for $50 bucks total from some other dude the day after they announced the end of the format. The other guy was distraught at the time but later regretted it… he had essentially just given away $700 bucks worth of merchandise. The HD-DVD's still work,…

I'd say the entirety of King Kong, but to each their own.

I'm really hoping Combs is due for a late-career resurgence, Mickey-Rourke style. Actually, I guess that'd be "surgence", not resurgence, but I digress…

God, I hate name-dropping. I was just talking about this with Ridley Scott and David Fincher the other day while we were all getting blowjobs from Kiera Knightley, Scarlett Johansson and… um, Emma Watson. She's 18, now, right? Yeah, her.

The guy helped make DS9, and he was one of the few enjoyable things about Enterprise.

I love when movies fake you out like that… at least when it works. One of my favorites (not real popular 'round these parts, but fuck it) is Minority Report.

It's sad, I actually liked him in Pineapple Express and (ugh) the Spider-Man flicks. He could've just settled for being like Joseph Gordon-Levitt, a likeable guy with a great screen presence. But no, he had to go all pretentious douchebag on us. Such a waste.

And you guys better give it a good review, unless you want to get fired…