If people were sperm, I killed the entire earth's population last weekend. I'm Hitler, Stalin, Mao, Hussien, and Casey Anthony all rolled into one.

Why don't you like saying "cunt"? What are you, a pussy?

What about two middle names? I'm sure there's a girl out there named Ann Marie, two of the three middle names women are authorized to have. And I bet her middle name is Lynn, too (that's the third one). Poor girl.

Is that his "porn name"?

Maybe they can meet up with Yossarian and go AWOL together.

I almost want to watch the new Punk'd, just on the off chance that Bieber gets punched in the face. If it doesn't happen within the first season, that will prove that the show is scripted.

Wait, dancing has nothing to do with Casey Anthony! Why would she be on a show about dancing?

Almost as bad as people who end a sentence with ", no?"

Guilty as charged. The fact that she was dumb made things so much easier.

Again, motherfucker.

ElDan and the hand he just jerked off with after making that joke.

That video is PURE OWNAGE.

Why, because it was the slightly smaller of two corporations, maaaan? You should blog about that on your Mac the next time you're at Starbucks.

Hey, I thought Lets Go To Prison was… nah, you're right.

I once went to Barnes and Noble asking for Ulysses. The cute-but-dim-witted girl at the counter responded with, "Oh, the Trojan War guy!"

Nope. George Clooney and Ashton Kutcher.

I think Arnett should stick to films. Obviously he was golden in Arrested Development, but literally every show he's tried since then has ate shit.

"But it's a two-party system! You have to vote for one of us!"

I mean, I've never liked Tim Burton, although I dig Michael Keaton. But after re-watching it a few months ago, it really doesn't hold up. A couple laugh-out-loud moments here and there, but mostly Burton's flair for style over substance.

I thought the first one was actually pretty damned overrated.