Where's the "douche" button?

If a girl was talking dirty to you and referred to it as a "wang", you'd be laughing so hard you couldn't even give her a facial. Trust me.

Awesome fact: Amur Leopards are DELICIOUS.

I know, right? They'd lose smug hipster readership, a key part of their target demographic!

Because Australia is a nation of criminals?

"The Beaver", AKA, "The thing that no one has ever actually called a vagina unless they're making a shitty pun."

The Raging Clits.

More importantly, it's 8 A-cup boobs.

WHERE'S SAVE FERRIS?!!?

I can see the Onion headline already:

You could always pull a Cartman and use them to make some (not bad) chocolate milk mix.

These aren't the dead rappers' remains you're looking for.

I find it rich and satisfying, with a smoky aftertaste.

Oh, it would all be touchy-feely, talk-about-your-feelings shit. None of this "hard work" and "confinement" like those other prisons use to "punish" offenders.

Rooster Down Below.

The real crime is that he didn't use all the parts.

Yes, god forbid he does something to offend convicted criminals.

You're telling me the original Cockpuncher killed some cocks? This is hardly news.

No, about that poor woman.

I'm actually more agnostic… but I agree with Boreanaz… this kind of shit makes me wish there was a hell, just for guys like Joseph Hyungmin Son (totally had to ctrl+c that shit).