“Dear Mister Trump, please help a guy out; I’ve been real good about picking up your dry cleaning, and I WILL TONGUE-WASH YOUR ASS. LIKE THIS. Please don’t let them throw me in jail over that bridge thing!”

As the son of a mortician, I resent that remark.

“However, you just know that someone as venal and mendacious as Cruz always wants something greater than Senator, and he’s not going to get it. He has essentially traded the last vestige of any respect or claim to higher office that he had (that is, being one of the staunchest opponents of Trump and Trumpism) for…

My mom said I looked sharp and not to worry about what the other kids think :/

Unfortunately for Ted, Trump’s fundraising is being carried out by Bialystok & Bloom, who have currently sold promised 127 separate Supreme Court appointments!

Exactly.

He endorsed a man who clearly doesn’t like him, his family, or anything he stands for, and what does he get in return? Nothing. Trump would literally offer Ted Cruz nothing, and Trump wouldn’t care, because Trump doesn’t do anything that doesn’t benefit Trump. Look at Chris Christie, fat fuck that he is.…

There have been reports that Texas is polling into the blue, and that Trump might lose it. I’m sure his camp called Cruz to get him to endorse. Either promised him something special in return, or threatened him about Hillary needing to be stopped.

Man, for a minute there, I actually believed all that talk about not wanting to be a ‘servile puppy dog’... should have trusted my instincts on that one

I’m pretty sure you could hold Jeb up at gunpoint via snail mail.

I remember fondly seeing on like live TV people dressed up as cardboard robots chasing after Rubio.

He’s just a moustache short of being Paul Bearer.

Ted Cruz is the kid who wears a suit while running for high school class president.

Yes. It’s also a rumor that all through school (and perhaps even now) he had to change his underwear three to four times per day because of perpetual “swamp ass”.

He wouldn’t mind. Christie offered his up voluntarily.

i will rent out an entire theatre for that confirmation hearing.

And the raw, animal charisma of a bowl of tapioca pudding.

“Disloyal and unprincipled” are accurate descriptions of the Republican Party since around 2000.

But at least the suit kid had the dignity to quit CompUSA before their laid him off.

Yeah but then Trump would have to make room in his vast collection of Contard balls...maybe he’d even have to move Christie’s balls off the prime pedestal.

I believe that room has already been claimed and occupied. From here on out, it shall be known as ‘Newt’s House of Horrors (and book store)‘