When I dance, small children cry. Adults panic and ask if I'm having a seizure. Dogs whimper. Friends urgently apologise on my behalf.

God I'm just so glad no one has ever filmed me dancing.

this is the best gift to give to somebody you really, really don't like or want to get rid of ASAP.

That's not scary. The ghost is obviously friendly. It just wanted to hold the cameraman's hand, and even closed the door when asked! Check your corporeal privilege, Mark.

"Why the fuck are you giving me a pen" is going to be the private thought of many flight attendants in the near future.

my guy will do it morning noon and night. I could have fire coming out of my vag he still would want to do it. Nothing stops him.

I don't like coconut and this 'trend' of using the oil as the be-all end-all cure for absolutely fucking everything under the sun is annoying as all hell.

how about button down shirts that are sized according to bra size and waist size? For example instead of my usual large size shirt, it would be 36D / 30.

Oh I think Phil's down to clown. I read an Vanity Fair article about their young romance and there was an anecdote from a friend when they were newlyweds who remarked that Elizabeth had a really lovely complexion (true) to which Philip responded, "She's like that all over."

AHHHH Grandpa Phil! Don't talk about Grandma…

"Is this a new policy?"

It's unreasonable to ask for a last name ever. Customers are creepy; I have coworkers who walked out of a bar at 4 A.M. to find the guy they cut off 2 hours earlier waiting for them. I have coworkers who have been stalked and even sexually assaulted by fucked-up customers. There's no need to give personal information…

Real nice way to treat an A-list. I'll be sure to tweet about it,

Don't feel bad, Kim. Based on the state of my back, Kanye has been controlling /neglecting me, too.

STAY ON TOPIC GEORGE

I love when men are described as wearing a "top." It seems like just a gentle nudge away from "blouse."

No kidding. I worry about absolutely everything absolutely all the time but that has never led me to think "I had better empty a clip into my bathroom door just in case there are invisible murderers in my house, who apparently really needed to use the restroom before murdering me, and also made my girlfriend disappear…

When my grandma turned 24 we stopped visiting her at the retirement home because she was too decrepit and grotesque.

Yeah, minus one dress that was too tight in my boobs, everything I've gotten from them has been great. They tend to have a lot of sales and give you $20 off coupons a lot if you're on the email list too. I have a friend who's the same-ish size as me (16-18), and she's purchased several dresses from them that look…

In the same way that blacks, whites, Asians and such are all humans, then sure Mormons are 'Christians.' There is a reason they use the term Mormon or LDS because there are clear theological differences. Wikipedia does a decent overview, but consider that the LCS church teaches that all other churches are apostate and…