Kanye was actually proposing to himself, but there was some confusion and it was too awkward for him to correct it so he just rolled with it.

Can we always get at least one piece of historical gossip each Dirt Bag? Thanks.

Next trend: hanging out with your cat at a bar.

when i saw this I thought it had alcohol. I thought "my cats are already pretty big assholes, I don't need them to be drunk assholes"

Here here!

Well, I'm glad candy wasn't on the list, rendering the whole thing irrelevant. Candy is everything.

I believe some men are too scared to ask women these questions because they know, deep down in the hairy masculine vault of their very being, that these are some profoundly stupid questions. They fear the women will look at them with a withering stare, sneer slightly and then tell their friends, "hey, you really need…

No, no, no. Don't be fooled by the Met's ticket price shenanigans.

The Met tells you that admission is $25, and they'll charge you as quickly as they can.

But that figure is merely a suggestion. You can pay as much or as little as you like.

So I'm going to go to this Gala, put down a clean fiver ($5), and walk right…

I'm pretty sure that's code for "Charlie really had no idea how rabid, pathetic and balls to the wall crazy 50 Shades fans actually are, that is, until an unidentified midwestern housewife accosted him in a Los Angeles drugstore, handcuffed herself to his ankle and begged him to spank her with a horse whip. Charlie…

you should trademark "i'm going to be [sic]" — and its usage. that's some next level shiz right there.

Wow, I couldn't disagree more. I mean I think the performances were tragically beautiful and obviously heartfelt but I also think it was wildly inappropriate and extremely creepily voyeuristic to put real people's obviously really intense grief on display for public consumption (not to mention profit) in this context.…

The wet seal on my eyeballs broke is all!

This is wonderful! And I'm totally not crying.

or just a giant room with a california kong, which is two california king beds strapped together with gorilla leather.

My husband always jokes about getting an "Emperor" bed, which he invented and is the size of 2 double beds, but I know he's not really joking.

Different strokes for different folks, but I would totally opt for separate bedrooms if I were married & had the means to do so. The space! The undisturbed sleep! The ability to scratch & fart unhindered! My ideal relationship would be sleeping with a partner 3-4 nights a week & getting the other nights all to myself.

hot Hot HOT

At this point in societal evolution, the words "There's ________ porn?" do not need to be uttered. The answer is always "yes".

but how do we sleep while our beds are burning?

Joe Giudice is the living embodiment of the way I feel after eating too much at lunch.