As a Houston resident, Dallas is a constant source of stress relief. It’s like having a brother you never really connected with as kids who later got convicted of selling child porn. We win by default. Our fly-ridden hell hole is modern, cultured and nuanced because, compared to Dallas, it is!

DALLAS RULES EVERYONE ELSE SUXXXXXXXXX

I’m a Jezebel, not gizmodo in the slightest. But I've read everything you've written about this. I'm blown away by the amount of work and the quality of your work. You deserve all the kudos in the world for what you are doing, and how you are doing it. I love your writing, I love your analytical and scientific…

Everything you need to know about Kris Jenner is that she apparently has no problem with her teenage daughter dating this low-life.

I recently saw a video of Tyga being a total ass clown on some MTV rap game show back in the day and just thought, “he seems like the kinda dude who would date a 17 year old when he’s 25 and brag about it.”

“Nice to meet you.”

Wait, Annalee....how do we know....you’re not...... a bot?

He also lost his quarterback at Wounded Knee.

Ban all guns. Make them illegal to posses. Getting caught with one is an automatic jail sentence. This nonsense has gone on for too long. This amendment was authored by people who were okay with slavery. It does not, and should not, translate to 2015 America

The hunt for red October. Your man card has been revoked.

Steelers fans say “pop” instead of “soda,” wipe their butts standing up, and marry their cousins.

As a Lions fan it’s our biggest win of the year!

And just like that, Grant displaced his cousin Leroy as the least helpful Jenkins in history.

That was a different FSU player. QB, De’Andre Johnson. It is difficult to keep up with all the FSU player arrests.

I’ll do you a solid.

Damn, I don’t even know anyone who’s a Bengals fan that I can rub this in the face of.

Whoa. People in Buffalo are so jaded, they hate their own moms.

I was at the Kevin Everett game, sitting in the end zone with my ex-wife who is a Broncos fan. The Everett injury was probably only the fourth strangest thing to happen at that game that included: