Christ, how many Taco Bell ads do we need?

Could be a distress signal. No one would choose to be at that game. People are being held there against their will.

"Dirty uniforms, meanwhile, like all the girdles filled with blood and feces because some hits are savage enough to overpower the central nervous system, I'd put in a special bin for disposal."

Isn't involuntarily shitting your pants a symptom of pretty significant head trauma associated with concussion-like symptoms? I read an article about how this is a thing football players taking huge hits to their head do (maybe even on deadspin itself). So while we can laugh at him for shitting himself, this may…

Only moron in this case is Byron Scott, he told Lin not to foul

Good news is that the UPD and Tallahassee PD are investigating, so the criminals will be brought swiftly to justice.

He's not hurt. He's actively engaged in finding a new coach.

"With the twelfth pick in the 2015 NFL draft, the Cleveland Browns select..."

He just got picked off, too.

...not fifth, not sixth, not seventh. We're looking for eighth place in the eastern conference.

I never thought that the saying "never trust anyone over 30" applied to small forwards.

7. Inventing all American music except hip-hop

"Cuz, it's......about........to go...........down."

At least he is FINALLY entertaining!!!!

On a night when it's Pitbull vs Ryan Seacrest, no one wins.

May this be a sign of things to come for his career. Please.

It was only a matter of time before the signs of hip dysplagia began to emerge.

God forbid someone look like a 40 year old mom. How gross.