OMG

Wait, what color is this dress?? Is it purple or gray? I don't understand!!! Is it the lighting?

I just pay Lester to get rid of my wanted level. Much easier that way.

His good looks?

The worst part is, those self-righteous note-writing non-tippers probably exchange these stories over virgin cocktails and congratulate each other over how they are really fighting the good fight.

I'm suddenly convinced that she knows exactly what she's doing. Girl's got a plan.

TO HELL WITH THAT NOISE

Your love of Alan Alda is as hilarious as it is unexpected.

I don't see why people are so impressed with that clip. You ever hear Dolly Parton do that song? It was written in a range of more than four notes.

It looks like Jennifer Lawrence was on the way to a toga party, then stopped in at Michael's to jazz up her outfit.

Fixed it.

She wants people to get an education and eat healthy?! That outrageous bitch!!!

Dita, you are everything.

This is actually and literally the face I made when I saw her ring. I've never actually dry heaved at something like this before. I'm amazed at how hideous her ring is and I'm amazed at my physical reaction to it.

My wife and I jokingly say that in a fire, it's everyone for themselves, but we're both going back in for the dog. So we'll all die together anyway, trying to save the damn dog.

So what you're saying here is... I might be able to afford to see my shrink more than once every three months? I might be able to actually AFFORD all the various medications she puts me on? I might be able to feel... BETTER? What witchcraft is this?

As someone with OCD and panic disorder who pays $160/week to see my psychologist because it's not covered by insurance let me be the first to say FUCK YES.

Sorry, not mad at this. Most of us have said worse.

Are you kidding me? Why on earth did this make the news, even Fox news? Ugly babies exist. People make fun of them behind their parents' backs. People are not 100% nice all the time. This is a normal thing. What's next, a report about how some guy made fun of the way another guy threw a ball?