But I don’t see how a husband’s attraction to his wife could be so cut and dry as “I want to bang your personality but not your looks.” He loves her for everything she is, and forcing him to break that down into “attractive” and “unattractive” attributes is unproductive, and not necessarily indicative of anything.

+1 Talking is so overrated.

I agree that, at least when it comes to a long term partner, a good 75% of my finding them sexy has to do with their personality, if not more. The more I love someone, the sexier I find them. And by that, I mean they actually become physically more attractive to me - in such a way that I can’t necessarily separate…

bryan cranston is perfect.

Brittany Howard is cooler than anyone else on this whole planet. Everything she does is amazing and I don't think she's human.

When I go running, I fart. A lot. Normally I am running by myself so I just let them rip without shame, or until I am at least far enough away from the person running past me to claim a smelt it dealt it situation. So one night I had gone for a 5 mile jog at this park near my house (shout out to Green Lake) and I…

What about Green Mile? This is what I remember him from. Everytime I see his face I get a sinking feeling that he didn’t really have to act too much to play this character.

Well then you can excuse me while I wash my car, water my lawn, play a round of golf on a course with green grass, and eat a handful of almonds.

I don’t care what the haters say, salad makes me so happy! See? Nothing makes me smile more than lettuce on a plate or in a bowl.

Give me Niçoise salad or give me fucking death.

Does it actually rhyme with “Branch-davidian?”

that’s why whenever I get the “well you cleaned up real good” line I push my glasses up the bridge of my nose with my middle finger.

Yes! It means “Ew, gross, she can walk in them without breaking anything. Does she even care about my boner?”

About three sessions in, my therapist was like, “I’m pregnant. We’ve got 30 weeks.” And by god, I was out before the baby was.

you put your right foot in you put your right foot out you put your right foot in...SLUT!!!

I’d put a caveat on that—talk therapy with no defined goal and end date is a scam. A good therapist will help you define goals, develop a timeline for meeting them, and frankly will push you out of the nest if things linger to the point where it’s clear they’re not helping.

It would seem to me that Hellerstein is probably writing this out of frustration that the story didn’t end in a Penthouse Letters type scenario, as his writing style tends to allude to.

HEY! DRESS LIKE A SLUT

Say it with me fellas-