What. I want pictures of this wedding with the bad gladiola color balance. Because I NEED to see what 60K gladiolas looks like together.

This isn't my wedding, but a lady I used to work with casually dropped that she had 60k gladiolas planted in Argentina a year in advance for her wedding and they got the color balance wrong and she was devastated.

• Around $75,000

My dog Charlie (who died about two years ago) was a toilet paper roll fiend. He was like the Gael Greene of toilet paper roll consumption: "Hmmm. This has a rustic, grainy cardboard feel. There's certainly a lingering flavor of pulp. It dances on the tongue, like a diminutive prima ballerina with an acerbic attitude.…

These are man catchers - weapons used to capture and restrain opponents in hand to hand combat, such as by dragging an armored knight from a horse - rather than torture devices.

this one is still in use today...

I guess torturing people was a lot like any other job. Some days you feel really energized and creative, other days you just shrug and say "Fuck it, let's just use the head crusher."

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that your attempt at humour was wheel depressing.

They'd probably prefer a SURFBORT

I remember seeing my cat's penis for the first time and thinking he had a worm crawling out of his ass. As I got closer to pull it out my wife warned me that was in fact his dick and she basically saved my life. Eternally grateful.

Look at those arms! Go on, gurrrl, with your bad self!

I'll give my kids a last name when they fucking earn a last name.

"Honey, how do you expect me to get in the mood if you don't even have colored drop-down selections for column B?"

If this lackluster Excelmanship is any indication, this is a man who lacks passion.

Wow. Such fringe. Very curves.

Whales are graceful fatties, hippos are fatties with bad teeth.

Yeah, this pretty much reads like a chain email.

I would say, based on my (granted, fairly limited) experience in a semi-high-end hotel restaurant with really cool decor, that the constant instagramming and picture taking definitely adds some time to the meal.