Nick Denton can. HA!

Fred Hoiberg was a few years behind me in school. He could dunk and run circles around the seniors when he was in 7th grade. Professional level athletes do not fuck around. The 3 major leaguers win the 1-inning make believe baseball game by all the runs in the world. If you are the home team - you never get up to bat.

You don’t need a link. I am living proof. I have 30 years of rest and at 48 I can’t run the ball for shit anymore.

Let me get this straight... This guy called someone else a goblin?

Jesus, “Deadspin Editorial Staff”, stick to writing about dicks. Mom always said, “do what you do best.”

No stars for you.

Visiting friends in Indy one game day many years ago - a van meticulously airbrushed “Go Colt’s”.

I recall them being referred to as “license plates”.

I hate precocious kids. I’ll bet Samer was precocious as fuck.

Do you mean to say anyone who doesn't suffer from depression is an idiot or Deadspin commenters are idiots?

I also don't care. Does that make me qualified to be on this committee? That would be cool.

Because Seattle is super far away from New York.

I just don’t watch enough soccer. I have no idea who Mumps or Neymar even are...

I read it, read it again, still wasn't tracking, said "fuck-it" to myself and scrolled down to the comments to read about people making fun.

As well he should be. I am not the least bit litigious.

7 ex-Cubs if you include Gerut.

If you would have just called out the brand of beer...

EV-ERYBODY CLAP YO HANDZ!

You are missing the point. This is Deadspin: All old white people are bad and young athletes are good.

"Why did you swing at this pitch, Pablo Sandoval?" asked a guy who never played baseball.