I feel the same about Dick Cheney. How is a guy with a piece of chewed gristle for a heart still alive at 80?

My guess is the voters will say, “Leave it like it is. Tradition!”

“Anyway now that place is a RV dealer for the past ~20 years. Now that’s a place I REALLY wonder how it stays afloat.”

And remember: these are the same parents that “know what’s best for their children” when it comes to mask mandates and vaccinations.

Now he’s truly free! Mission accomplished.

Can’t wait for the Venn diagrams of antivaxxers and “won’t somebody think of the children” handwringers to intersect. The combined screeching will be strong enough to pulverize rock.

Yeah, you’re right. It just struck me as odd they’d trot that out right off the bat, as if it explained everything. Must be nice when the cops decide to help you build your defense.

He was a “veteran in crisis,” doncha know? That apparently excuses everything and gets him kid-glove treatment and a ride to the hospital for a check-up, instead of a knee to the neck or ten bullets in the back.

Is “veteran in crisis” the new term for white guy tantrum? I’m glad he didn’t have a gun. Nice of the cops to treat him so gently.

He’s also a “moderate” Republican. One of the “nice” ones the party is trying to squeeze out. Just let that sink in for a moment.

I think if the being “formally” known as Mr. Crazypants checks, he’ll find that the most commonly used word in the Bible is probably “a” or “the” or “and.”

And now it gets to make the whole thing about itself again. It’s a hypocrisy twofer!

He may have grown up in a modest home, but you can’t deny he had great seats for Bears games.

Someone leaked a draft of his acceptance speech:

Damn, I put my phone down for one day...

Wait, so he’s dropped the “I was only named in the suit because that’s how the law works” defense and is now admitting he was a scumbag? That didn’t take long. I assume the “as a father of daughters” line is coming soon (he’ll have to rent some daughters for this to work).

I think Kanye heard about “stadium rock” and got the wrong idea.

Being invisible has its advantages. The spolight of blame for all society’s ills passed straight over Gen X on the way from Boomers to Millennials.

I was doing fine during mine, until my evil brain decided to wonder what would happen if there was an earthquake and the power failed. I was not doing fine after that.

No, no, no. Not just “Homeowners’ Association.” “Homeowners’ Association Pool Committee.” That’s orders of magnitude more petty. That’s “I don’t want to be milk monitor. I want to be HALL monitor!” petty.