He was a “veteran in crisis,” doncha know? That apparently excuses everything and gets him kid-glove treatment and a ride to the hospital for a check-up, instead of a knee to the neck or ten bullets in the back.

Is “veteran in crisis” the new term for white guy tantrum? I’m glad he didn’t have a gun. Nice of the cops to treat him so gently.

He’s also a “moderate” Republican. One of the “nice” ones the party is trying to squeeze out. Just let that sink in for a moment.

I think if the being “formally” known as Mr. Crazypants checks, he’ll find that the most commonly used word in the Bible is probably “a” or “the” or “and.”

And now it gets to make the whole thing about itself again. It’s a hypocrisy twofer!

He may have grown up in a modest home, but you can’t deny he had great seats for Bears games.

Someone leaked a draft of his acceptance speech:

Damn, I put my phone down for one day...

Wait, so he’s dropped the “I was only named in the suit because that’s how the law works” defense and is now admitting he was a scumbag? That didn’t take long. I assume the “as a father of daughters” line is coming soon (he’ll have to rent some daughters for this to work).

I think Kanye heard about “stadium rock” and got the wrong idea.

Being invisible has its advantages. The spolight of blame for all society’s ills passed straight over Gen X on the way from Boomers to Millennials.

I was doing fine during mine, until my evil brain decided to wonder what would happen if there was an earthquake and the power failed. I was not doing fine after that.

No, no, no. Not just “Homeowners’ Association.” “Homeowners’ Association Pool Committee.” That’s orders of magnitude more petty. That’s “I don’t want to be milk monitor. I want to be HALL monitor!” petty.

He passed with flying colors.

One thing that happened between the two censuses was a big rise in the popularity of DNA ancestry services. I wonder how many whiter than white respondents now feel “multicultural” because they discovered they’re 1/150,000,000,000th Navajo?

I like it! Although it’d probably turn out humanity extinguished itself three hundred years earlier, through climate change and toxic waste, so the aliens would find an empty planet when they arrived.

If it cost $5, I could see getting some minor amusement out of paying him to claim the recent election of a new treasurer for my neighborhood association was “stolen,” but $199 is too steep for such nonsense.

You may be right. I watched it too, but virtually nothing stuck aside from how unbelievably buff JK Simmons was.

They do, but can you imagine our current Congress deciding to do something as “bipartisan” as that?

Another (among many) absurdity of this movie is the idea that anyone from our coddled, self-absorbed, necissistic society would lift a finger to fight a war thirty years in the future. Hell, half the population won’t take basic steps to protect themselves against a pandemic that’s here right now.