I have no idea how you didn’t win with this.

Mom? What have I told you about using the internet when I'm not around?!

My parents went to a little mountain resort town and were delighted to find a shop that sold specialty cheeses AND specialty chocolate. They bought several pounds of "Pizza Cheese" (like mozzarella but with ... more pizza flavor?) and a shit ton of white chocolate, which neither of them had ever had. Then, getting…

I’m adopted too, and this line of implications drives me WILD. Here, lemme help you find a cactus....

Right? I'd have GOTTEN him a Snickers if that's what he needed. This was just bizarre.

I am still laughing....

PROMISES PROMISES....

No one would ever have sex again. The human race would come to a screeching stop.

I'm not even kidding — I think that guy was my husband.

Back when there were ACTUAL disks!! I once pulled one out of my backpack that was covered in the remains of a Cadbury Cream Egg. The teacher forgave me because she, too, loved those damn eggs.

Dear lord. Please marry me and bring that recipe with you.

I cannot even explain how much I love this comment.

See, this is the same dude who later left me for another dude! So maybe there is something in that? Repressed sexuality masked with.... food sensitive erections (or lack there of)??

Orlando, Florida. So. A bit of both?

They really should mention it on the label.

LOL, and this was years before those commercials!

No, he believed candy made him incapable of having an erection.

"The only reason I don't have a hard-on is because I had a Snickers earlier today!"

Mormons were worse than the run of the mill Christian Curse of Ham assholes:

It didn't shock me she grew up Mormon, which has a particularly racist past as a religion. I imagine that had something to do with her ignorance.