I can't even tell you how much I've missed you, Cate.

If this one doesn't win, Jezebel has no soul.

I mean, I don't want to tell you your business, but since you're in the vet world, you totally have the power to start calling it "Kitten Be-Gone" or "Pet Death." I give these to you. You're welcome.

And pop-up headlights! SOB.

RIGHT?! WHY NOT JUST "KITTEN BE-GONE?!" OR "PET DEATH 2000"?!

I worked for a fancy jewelry store/art gallery in college. Every Christmas, they'd have a contest and a jewelry consultant could win up to $2500 in jewelry if your name was drawn. Your name got put into the pot every time you hit a certain sales number. I'd had a rough month of sales due to being at the least popular…

The best car of my life was a '93 240sx. I loved that car like a child. I cried the day I had to give it up.

SO EXCITED.

Did we never have the conversation about how I stockpiled Chicken and Waffle chips before they went off shelves? I bought out three local stores. The workers at one place still look at me suspiciously when I go in.

That's amazing. You must be an awesome friend.

OMG, this takes me back! My mom worked for Recycled Paper Products in the 80's and we had LOADS of Boynton stuff.

I sort of wantto marry this joke.

Oh, HARDEE'S is still around. This is actually my local Hardee's. They are REAL into Christmas.

You need to post this story once a day. Every day. Forever.

Like being a non-skeleton, if that's even possible.

Robin Thicke's 530 English relatives, obviously. Who didn't want Christmas to be awkward this year.

No? Come up with your own material.

No. Thanks for asking, but really, no.

Beat me to the punch. But with a much better gif than I was going to use, so hey!