How sad about your parents. Holidays are hard enough without hoarding drama. This entire thread just makes me super depressed.

My father-in-law isn't my husband's biological dad, so I guess I won't be giving him any of these, ALAS.

"Thank you for using your dick to create the dick I like to suck."

This entire thread is making my day.

Successfully! "Thank you for SUCCESSFULLY fucking your wife!"

How did I never notice how terrifying this guy's smirk is here?! He's totally perv watching them.

"fancy sex necklace" = "Sexlace?"

Unrelated, but can I just say how much I love that you've kept the "Sirdam?!"

"I hate Uncle Jamie!" — his nephews when he totally bails on family and Christmas

Jeez. I'm just sad people are still saying this. It feels like such an old, out-of-touch term. I'm glad I haven't heard anyone I know say it in a very long time. Catch up, Hollywood.

LOL — I wish one of my nanas was still alive so I could bark at them to "Watch your damn Underwood." They would both have gotten a huge kick out of it.

Look at that. You summed up my exact feelings with a picture...

God I have missed you.

I bet they're GAS STATION FLOWERS. For the girls who love "guzzling" that "gas," hardy-har-har.

Oh that's right. Only non-whores get the nice flowers.

'Splend!!! Good to see you!! :)

How... was that ... helpful, even?!

Holy shit, guys — we finally captured a rare shot of Miley's sentient tongue being restrained INSIDE HER MOUTH.

Still... laughing...

FERRET KING!