LOL — right?! Not what I was expecting. I hate when the interwebs fails me.

I would like to subscribe to this newsletter, please.

Pictured: Optional costume of the Screwnicorn...

HOTTEST THREESOME EVER

Done. Our wedding will be spectacular. Full of rainbows and glitter.

God, now I'm just SO AROUSED! :D

"Always" by Erasure — then you can picture yourself as a unicorn, which, let's be honest — best. fuck. fantasy. EVER.

Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?!

LOL — clearly, some kind of sea lion sin was committed....

Oh thank GOD, Seize — I honestly was worried I was the only person who latched onto this tidbit with complete confused horror.

"Hey y'all... I don't think you understood my song..."

Right?! She so pretty...

I like to think this makes me your Eternal Toilet Sidekick.

*Iron Man cyber high-five* I, too, start my day gnawing on greenish raw beef and undercooked eggs! I dip my toothbrush in the toilet before every use! AND I WILL LIVE FOREVER!!

WTF — pizza cutters?! Who is not cleaning these properly?!

Jeez. That is totally a person. Like, in an adorable cat outfit. Those eyes are totally human.

Boom.

*places chin in hands, gazes up expectantly*

Keep that baby away from BEES!!!

I vote for Bette Davis.