FACT: Tom Cruise's Gum Wall is made of solid gold and Suri's tears.

We need to get those asshole paparazzi from TMZ on that last burning question — inquiring minds want to know! Give us photographic proof of a gum wall, TMZ!!

Pump the breaks, Aunt Viv! Also, your sentence structure... could use some work.

Better get the requests in quick — she's a busy girl and she's got a lead foot... :)

Holy shit — from this angle, they totally look like twins. And yes, that dress is just too much. Lovely.

It's a great tweet, but she's such a crap comedian that it's easy to see why they skipped it.

Double-Win! *high five*

Anyone else struck by the urge to start screaming, "Yodel into my butthole" at your enemies?

I have two rat/fox terriers and they are such awesome dogs and companions. She must be heart-broken.

Side effects include dry mouth, anal leakage and possible vagina murder.

Moreover, what IS "incest face??"

You just compared her vag to Aslan. I FUCKING LOVE YOU.

The Rachel looked good on practically NO ONE.

"Drunk sea lion" — YES. These assholes are like my awful co-worker last semester who hadn't watched THE TUDORS yet, and screamed at me, essentially, to STFU in the break room when I was discussing the actual HISTORICAL period.

"The Fault in Our Stars" could be a robot test. If you don't cry, check the back of your neck for a robot panel. Also, I SOBBED during Almondine's chapter in The Tale of Edgar Sawtelle. SOBBED. Full disclosure: I am not a huge crier.

Right?! Also, I don't know if I've been associated with a "misogynistic butthole" before, but I'm sure it's likely...

This reminded me of those horrible SAT math problems. Except this is AWESOME.

Chritter, I continue to completely love you.

Imagine the fringe benefits of this job!!

No... soy sauce?! That's just fucking horrible. Also, I had no idea about the expenses involved. I have wondered at all the "Gluten Free!" shit appearing everywhere and I assumed it was just a trendy diet until a friend of mine was telling me about his gf with Celiac.