It will be. The animatronic kind that talk.

There's one this summer in Texas.

or hatred of his wife dildos.

Under the -PENAL- CODE!

Hey now, comparing Ted Cruz to a dildo is obviously offensive to dildos. Dildos bring genuine joy and pleasure to multitudes of people every year; Ted Cruz has a wife who’s most likely really practiced at faking those same sensations.

Unless Kylie Jenner beats her to it.

he’ll have to fight his own nose first

Great minds.

this is literally the only time I’m gonna be able to use this:

How much you want to bet that Heidi has a locked drawer in their bedroom and that Ted is completely unaware of its contents?

So now I know what it feels like to gun nuts whenever there is a whisper of a ban on guns. Brb, gonna go buy every pocket pussy and fleshlight I can find.

The Republican frontrunners are a fascist and a theocrat. Pretty sure the founding fathers might alter the earth’s gravity with how fast they are spinning inside their graves.

Can we start sending his campaign dildos now?

Just from the headline, I’m picturing Ted Cruz physically fighting off a bunch of giant dildos.

Is it me, or does the Jlo on the cover not actually look like Jlo?

They made her look like KLo on that cover.

They snuck a lot of despicable stuff into that executive order. I am surprised the whole "we don't need no stinkin' minimum wage" thing has gotten so glossed over.

Howwww dare you!

“We demand to be taken seriously!"