They fucked the fish, too!?

Read that opening paragraph in the voice of your most chipper local news anchor.

"Food porn" isn't just a figure of speech.

Netflix bought Bing?!

:-/

Wheaties, Breakfast of Champions

"Actually fuck, love," said the actress to the bishop.

Love fuck, actually.

So I can download select titles from a library of mostly shitty movies?

You're doing dirty talk wrong.

Especially when it's spinning at 33rpm

Come Mr. Tallyman
Tally me dick jokes
5pm coming
And I want to go home

Pretty sure it was an asteroid hitting the Yucatan peninsula.

The best kind of accurate!

Don't put it in a slot-loading CD player!

Fun fact: Ignatiy Vishnevetsky is not his name, those are his initials. It's just a coincidence that they spell something that sounds Russian.

CAN I HAVE YOUR STUFF?

Just read back issues of defunct Magic: the Gathering magazine The Duelist instead.

Apology accepted.

Senator, I served with David S. Pumpkins. I knew David S. Pumpkins. David S. Pumpkins was a friend of mine. Senator, you're no David S. Pumpkins.