*Ejaculates.*

Many are increasingly of the opinion that we've all made a big mistake in coming down from the trees in the first place. And some say that even the trees were a bad move, and that no one should ever have left the oceans.

You're saying it was riding the coattails of Too Many Cooks?

Cuck porn, with Black men having sex with the White wives of White men, is also disproportionately popular in red states.

So trucking should be reserved for the people who can stay awake for twenty four hours straight?

Gh-gh-gh-ghosts!?

Oh yes, I remember being enthralled by Anticipations of the Reactions of Mechanical and Scientific Progress upon Human Life and Thought in my grammar school days.

Relevant:
http://www.theonion.com/art…

The idea of someone's first Mario game being super Mario land is so foreign to my experience I can hardly process it.

Oh, man. Condolences.

Either billions of years of evolution or a few hours of surgery.

Calmer'n you are, Dude.

We forgot Poland!

Change jobs! It's the timid man's raise! I got a 33% bump last time I did that!

Make friends with someone who works for NBC. I lucked into free tickets for the whole family that way.

And Tarantino's calling people n-words
As Nolan disappears up his own ass
Yes, they're A-listers both
But they're sharing their coke,
And the producer is demanding more bass

Score us a film
You're the composerman
Score us a film tonight
Cause we're all in the mood for some BRAAAWMS
And you've got 96 hours, we just fired Badalementi over creative differences

The Microsoft Theater is pretty good but sometimes the performers freeze up halfway through and they have to start over again.

Yeah, the guys in the $2000 pants are going to listen to you. COME ON!

Every time I wear a jacket or tie, the Executive Director panics and asks me if I'm going on a job interview.