In relation to this Newswire item, a capital offense is taking "THANKS, OBAMA" out of all caps.

People who write life-ruining emails surely need more than 30 seconds to realize how horrible their email is. How about a one-month delay?

*Simpsons "Hockey Dad" video game reference*

How come Tupac gets hologram but Biggie doesn't? Are there simply not enough lasers in the world to render a virtual Mr. Smalls?

Made it to Line 8 before reading a band name I did not recognize at all. Does that mean I'm still hip to the musics of today?

Vaginas, not cats. You and ALF are safe, @GuybrushThreepwoodMightyPirate:disqus .

At least Michael Douglas' boast that eating pussy gave him throat cancer carries the whiff of believability because of HPV's link with cervical and anal cancers. Eddie Van Halen should have followed that lead, especially with being married to Valerie Bertinelli [eyebrow waggle].

Dick Gregory. Just to piss of whitey.

SLANDER! CALUMNY! ACTIONABLE TORT!

Eight decades was enough.

Sad but true story, bro: I just Facebbok unfriended a county police officer I barely remember from high school because he twice in the past day posted comments about having an NAACP represented the real racism. Note, especially, the police officer part.

You might say we all have a crayon in our brain.

"Penises." In the realm of 50 Shades, you mean penises.

People buying 50 Shades books certainly proves we need a better proxy than literacy for intellectual attainment.

(Male + Female) / Driven = Trans-Am Comedy

“Female-driven comedy” means the movie swerves out of its lane while the leads use the rearview mirror to apply lipstick.

Worst. Final. Line. Ever.

*Art Buchwald's estate angrily tweets John Amos' home address*

Selma II: Black Panther v. Orville Faubus

Except that the SC legislature intends the display of the confederate Battle Flag to signify treason and armed resistance. It went up in 1962 as a rebuke of federal civil rights legislation and remains flying as an affirmation of resolve to never submit to the principal of constitutional preemption of things like…