Empire spinoff? Colony

I'll say this every time it his appearance comes up: Ted Cruz looks exactly like a peeled plum.

The two sexiest words in the English language? "Piso Mojado."

Lady Bird: A King of the Hill vanity project by the bloodhound

You want hip and young? Ashton Kutcher comes from Iowa!

Gerwig and the Angry 3/4-Inch Tape*

Well, Bobby Hill is 12. It's preferable that he not be sexually desirable.

I will never reconcile myself to how good-looking real-life Bobby Hill is.

Only Billy Zane's hair could play The Phantom nowadays.

You were expecting Yngwie Malmsteen?

Counterpoint: The Grateful Dead will survive. They will get by.

Sometimes, dead Grateful Dead is better.

The deputy found panties in Trey's locked ammo box, not a scrunchie, right?

To which Tawney replies, "Great." Has Tawney ever used humor as a coping mechanism before? I found that single moment immensely cathartic and hopeful.

No. Times like these demand that a voice like Herp's be heard. A colicky baby oozing all over this idea is exactly appropriate.

Space Ghost did it.

How soon until Jon Stewart replaces Brian Kilmeade on Fox & Friends?

Man, if you think swimming pools cause shrinkage, wait until you get locked in a cryopod.

Fishburne was great in Lake Placid.

Erwin Rommel? Total spank bank material. The original Sex Panzer.