No. Jay Z's 99 problems do not include urban blight and systemic racism in central Maryland. The lyrics make that quite clear.

*takes to the streets information superhighway in protest of high price for Tidal subscription*

How is Viacom going to enforce the two-drink minimum for folks sitting on their couch? Also, will Regan be seeing our heckles on a video feed in real time?

Satan Cop has all the best musicians. Just listen to early Police records.

FACT: "Lance Hunter" was a rejected name for Grindr.

Somebody's been reading my Mother's Day card …

What is the point of working your whole life to afford any and every luxury only to intentionally strand yourself in a rainforest without food or shelter?

Or the autobiography of a male-to-female transsexual.

Kevin Meaney also wants to remind us that we're big pants people. Small-pants people like the ones in this cast photo make a mockery of the source material.

*reaction to cast phot*

Pirates near the shores of Tripoli? That's never happened before.

Sorry. If Welles was too lazy and/or incoherent to make this movie, I'm sure as hell not cleaning up his garbage.

No, the other side of wind is flatulence. "Flatus," if you want to get super technical.

THAT'S RACIST CULTURALLY APPROPRIATE

How come only the Latino show got cancelled?

Say what you will about America, we're good at crime.

I'm glad we were kept abreast of these casting decisions.

*MAHK HUDSON, KATIE'S REAL FAHTHAH, WAITS BY DA PHONE*

Where does obsessively commenting on A.V. Club articles without reading them appear on the list of steps toward becoming a comedy legend?

'Sokay. I died from an exhaustion-induced heart attack immediately after making it.