If that’s the criteria, then Calvin Johnson would like a word.

I was honestly thinking Butterbean with hairplugs.

a white woman, who closely resembles a gallon jug of whole milk

Stay for 3 weeks and you can have a different sauce EVERY DAY

Ruffles has had All Dressed for a couple years now.

I'd like to think Simpson's head would literally explode if someone took BP in an "I can't breathe" shirt tomorrow.

Can we now sentence him to be hung by his testicles?

I dunno, that HOF ring that it comes with may just make me plunk down for it.

The sad fact is, this Cavs team will probably make the playoffs because half of the Eastern Conference could get beat by a team in Lavar Ball’s league.

Racist white baseball fans? Well I’ll be shocked.

I mean, they still have the Browns.

I mean, if a game in the conference semis between Golden State and Houston ends because an earthquake sends both teams into the abyss, sure.

When you said Godzilla VR game I was hoping that you got to destroy Tokyo (it’s always Tokyo) as Godzilla, not the other way around.

Two words: Bird Kingdom

Imagine spending money to go to a fantasy football convention.

I still think one of the greatest sporting achievements is when she won the Australian Open while two months pregnant. Like, she beat the best competition while incubating a lifeform, and dealing with all the hormonal and other medical issues that come with that.

It’s probably like one of those stupid unwritten rules. Though he broke the most important one. Never, EVER, put your closer in a non-save situation. They’re gonna fuck it up so hard.

The micropenis is strong with this one.

Ironically it’s probably harder to get a job at BK than as a cop.

From just the headline, I thought this was about St. Louis