Ha. These Overwrought Reality Football E-mails keep getting better.

Ha. Much better.

If you liked this, you should also read Wallace's in-depth retrospective on the career of Frank Hadow, Consider the Lobster.

I'm sure this is all very funny to you, but poor Dwayne Wade's got another five years of trying to lead that team to a title with LeBron in drag.

"Yech."

"I'd hit that."

So sad. Jon Miller must be rolling over in his gravy.

♫ Get ready, get set (get set, get set ...),

His penchant for video games is also quickly earning Hayward a reputation as the most dangerous jazz player in Utah.

Something like this was bound to happen sooner or later. It's no secret how much he likes to get pliéd.

Stephen Strasburg returns from torn ulner collateral ligament, according to pro-American personalized jersey commenters.

Darren: And now for more on the stalemate between Johnson and the Titans we go to our own sideline reporter, Erin Sharoni. Erin, just how far apart are these two sides on their numbers?

Ocean's in Heaven

Good Will Executor Hunting

The Talented Mr. Wrinkly

Click to embiggen

Given their current concerns, the union's PR team can't be too happy about a guy buying courtside seats for his stuffed cheetah and Mrs. Potato Head doll either.

[winces]

Are you sure that's not Luke Scott? I know the storm troopers have always had his back.

Thanks, glad I asked - if left to my own savage devices I was thinking about trying them in exactly the opposite order. One of the biggest vice-related regrets in my life is that the one time I did have the opportunity to try an authentic Cuban was a night I was probably too wasted to really appreciate it, all I…