I always name my house spiders. If he doesn’t have a name, suggest Bob due to his apparent interest in the sponge.

Anyone who is scared of a spider is nuts. Why just the other day, one was helping my wife do dishes!

She could have, and nearly did, cause her own child to die. Over a spider. But, yeah, go easy on her.

Sure, but does your phobia cause you to place your child and the public in immediate danger?

Sauces now range from mild to HADOUKEN!

Football fans are the dumbest motherfuckers on the face of the planet.

If I had to guess, I’d say with his nose.

“Cops ended up driving Sydor’s son to his game.”

It looks like one big tampon commercial.

Mutant League Football anyone?

After conquering one fabled American past-time, The Canadians’ will now set their sights on mastering morbid obesity and abject racism.

I used to play pretty seriously. The rules are simple. The main goal is to achieve “The Queen’s Errand,” or have the most netted balls by the end of the crow’s watch. If the pepper is placed in your path, you have to wheel the cranberry using only the poetic side of your bike. The lines on the court indicate the…

WHATEVER HATERZ

There are five full days and two half days of instruction left in the school year. This made me laugh. Please no one tell the parents of the kids in my class. I need my job.

When I taught, I got called into the office when a parent caught me buying beer and tampons at the grocery store.

So, what we’re saying is that it’s absolutely not ok for anybody to have a sense of humor about their job. Great. People do realize that it’s ok to laugh still, right? Hello? Right?

If you need this you’re probably the type of Ford owner I laugh at when at the boat ramp. Up next - seat bottom that flips forward so you can pee while you sit and drive.

LOL!! The best entertainment in the world - a seat at the bar next to put-in and take-out ramp at the local marina...!! LOL!!

She may not have liked golf, but she had to admire how his career went downhill.

They already have a pocket Apple watch. It's called a fucking iPhone.