Bummer. I bet your king of the hill video would totally be on point.

They better be careful. The last time such a ruckus was raised by an isthmian league, Corinth got razed and salted.

Even weirder was that the next name drawn was also an explosion victim from New Mexico that was visiting an elderly person

No offense, but he sounds more like a badlegs.

Even after his playing days were over, Cousy was a master of the assist.

How is Deadspin allowing Greg Howard's blatant arse-anal fanboy masturbation on the site?

The combination of Gatorade and Prego makes perfect sense.

And why are we laughing at this again? In no way should we be encouraging any pregnant woman to get sauced.

Of all people, you'd think WNBA players would know to keep the kissing off of the hardwood.

I know Riley Cooper isn't the tallest guy, but 5'6" seems like an exaggeration.

Well, Kerinsa, the old woman never would have been there if you hadn't used a goddamn InstaGram filter.

Worker: [collapses]

Sure, it's bad, but the person that you should really have sympathy for is his doppelgänger from another dimension, Rashad Finger.

"Oi! Never mind that speech, waiter— where's my silverware, then?"

Opponent: Hey Johnson! You suck!

And here I thought Eli Manning's QB rating was the most grotesque single digit of the day.

Why do you insist on pushing this Euro stuff on us Deadspin? Americans don't care.
Pizza is for Italians.

"knee caps were spun"

I found another typo:

Of course law students in Mississippi would invoke Article 2, which deals with sale of goods, for moving people around.