So you don’t have to watch the video, here are the 5 features mentioned:

I don’t see what difference it makes. I can’t not pay my bills. I get email notifications of what the payments are for all the ones that can change from month to month which only includes gas and electricity. I’ve never had the suspicion that they are lying to me about how much I’ve used.

What streaming service do you use that bills monthly instead of credit card?! This article is a disaster - pure click bait from premise to execution.

Most of the sketches were pretty average but at least they didn’t seem as lazy as last week. Pretty sure the white board in the writers room that week just said “Jennifer Lopez = Hot!... Jokes?” 

When I was interviewing for my first full-time coaching job, the head coach asked me if I would be willing to make a three-year commitment to the position. I told him that I would be happy to negotiate and sign a multi-year contract. “Oh no,” he said, “We wouldn’t be giving you a contract. We would just want you to…

All Bob Newhart on this one:

Jurors, what say you?

That suggests the finances of the team are commingled with the personal funds of the owner.

The problem with Video Games is that they are a privately owned intellectual property held by a corporation.

I used to love a good IPA, until every microbrew in the country decided they had to have the hoppiest version. I swear tons of beers are crafted without any real vision for what the flavor is supposed to be, just really hoppy. It drove me back to my first loves, stouts, porters, and brown ale. Of course, Lagunitas…

I just wedge my gas cap in there. 

Yes, stupid baby. 

Imagine Chris Thompson’s reaction next NBA season when a player who catches a pass and lands in the front row has to forfeit possession to the other team.

Runners advancing when a live ball goes out of play is obscure? Okay then.

Ah, finally we discover the truth of Deadspin’s VAR complaint festival - rules are bad.

Still, it begs the question - by and large, will it still make people who hear it literally explode on the spurt of the moment, as if they’d eatten a hot habañero, or seen a sign at the grocery store saying “Ten Items Or Less”?

It is now.

But no, I get it. You have a quota of blogs to post every day and sometimes you just have to fart something out so you can go home.

You’re operating under the assumption that writing a form of standard English is good and not a tool of colonialist oppression.

For all intensive purposes it’s a perfectly cromulent alternate spelling.