So you missed the part where Darlene specifically said that it was all real?  

I.. I don’t think that’s how fruit works?

Get you being all brave and speaking truth to *checks notes* um, a blogger who is talking about how they hate the thing your’re complaining about but you decided they only hate it because of some strawman bullshit you just made up?

“ham warming time” is now my go-to euphemism for pretty much everything. 

This certainly seems like one of those perfectly reasonable, totally not false dichotomy type things!

Ligers are lame. It’s all about the tigons, man. Enormous tigons.

Do you want crossfitters? Because that’s how you get crossfitters.

The capitalization in the headline made be be all like, “What the crap is a french-fried onion??!?!” and now I’m kind of sad but also I want meatballs.

I’m going to need to know exactly what these pro-choice leaders were wearing before I can judge whether it was their fault or not...

I mean, anything braised in butter and cream is going to be at least kind of delicious. 

Or you could either roast the sweet potatoes or braise them in butter and cream which would make them super tasty.

(yes, that’s the joke)

Your shameless shilling for Big MSG is really getting out of hand here. How much is Accent paying you anyhow?!?!?

I use Alton Brown’s brined turkey recipe and it has never failed me.

I use Alton Brown’s brined turkey recipe and it has never failed me.

Just imagine how well he’d be doing if his last name was Biden!

A true lazy person would have sauntered at most.

So okay, I make an orange ginger cranberry sauce based on this:

#notalldrunkuncles

Yeah, I say ‘one’ to get their attention then I explain what will happen if I get to three and then if I get to three I do that thing every time. I tell them I don’t want to do the thing and I know it will make them mad or upset. It works a fair percentage of the time.

Nobody should agree to that at all ever.