Holy crap. I need to start taking his Quicken class.

Why the comma?

He suggested Manziel start, violating the league’s substance abuse policy.

Now he can get back to playing cones of dunshire

Battery. People, please learn the distinction.

Not to be over dramatic, but that is nothing short of assault.

Being familiar with NCAA marching bands, I can say with that was absolutely not an accident.

Mrs. Blank is equally fed up.

I starred both the original comment and this reply, but let the record show that I starred the one-liner first.

He will be fined for this outburst, so he’ll just hand the NFL a himself check.

Having concluded the portion of the day in which he does and says reasonable things, Blank returned to overseeing construction of a taxpayer-subsidized, robot sphincter stadium.

Bold statement.

+d20

oh, we made the farts ourselves

This is the best kinja. I mean this is the best ever kinja.

I’m fairly certain the first guy to publish a scouting report on Andrew Luck was Gary Gygax.

Take your record and your dumb shirt and cut your losses.

I was one of those adoptable kids. I have every intention of being misguided/simply stupid when I’m ready to have kids because being adopted fucking sucked and I want children that are biologically related to me.

Back when we were struggling to conceive, I schooled an anti-choice acquaintance on why we couldn’t “just adopt” a baby (~$60K in fees, Guatemala closed its program, rejection from other international programs for my hearing loss and his Crohn’s, heartbreak over a state-side mom who changed her mind). She nodded her…