When I was 15, I convinced pretty much everyone at a summer college-prep program that I could read their birthdays on their palms.

In second grade I managed to convince a bunch of high schoolers I was psychic. They were doing some kind of psychology experiment, using us a test subjects, and the group that got me was having us predict colored shapes on cards. Well, they were in a specific order, and I could see the answer key. And I really liked…

When I was in Kindergarten, I got a whistle in my stocking that sounded like a train horn when you blew into it. I really liked it and brought it in for show and tell, but Mrs. Himmelman said it wasn’t my turn. So I told her that my dad worked on a train and that he let me bring the whistle in just that one day. If I…

I certainly DON’T envy the number of times these folks will hear their spouse say “Nice technique loading the dishwasher, GENIUS” the rest of their lives.

The one with the books behind her is especially galling. I mean, if you’re such a genius, why do you need a stack of books? Shouldn’t you, like, know that stuff?

Goddamn master stroke. I was wondering who would pull this stunt first. You are a badass for this.

This is fucking fabulous. I have never loved Deadspin more.

This is seriously awesome. You’re carrying on the Gawker Media tradition of doing smart, challenging, in your face work. Keep it up.

I love this man and I support his work

It begins:

Boyfriend does this, tampered down from his original line “How you doin’?” Which I quickly killed. I sent him this post this ensued.

In my opinion and experience, that soft “Hey” is a gentle, tentative expression of the joy of discovering each other in this uniquely intimate way. I find it adorable and return it, as in the concluding paragraph here.

My personal preference is “please clap.”

Seems a little weird/creepy to me.

The splice must flow.

Life hack: if your answer is “no,” then the meaning of the question becomes irrelevant

When I was 26, it meant “do you get drunk and then have sex with strangers?”

It’s because you’re looking up definitions instead of reading the fucking situation in which a likely swarthy fellow wearing mostly white (possibly eggshell) who has been checking out your better half is asking to go somewhere and get nude.
Stop looking things up you prude nerd.

I mean, a) the point is that we are impossibly childish and petty and b) as an editor, if I get “It is of the utmost importance to insist again and again that idealism is not merely a superfluous manifestation of sentiment but rather something which has been, is and always will be, a necessary precondition of human…