I hope your comment was sarcasm (if so you forgot the /s). If it wasn’t then you are pretty much a stupid fucking asshole...just go find your home where you left it parked and drive away somewhere.

the story I always tell about moving from PA to Boston:

When I moved to Philly, I literally could not figure out how to buy beer. I spent an extended errand trip walking back and forth between a grocery store and liquor store going “where the fuck is the beer?”

Tanks to the micro-brew boom,buying beer has gotten a lot better in PA. The old “I’m throwing a party so I better start questing for a beer distributor in this county, while you take the day off and wait for the State Store to open so we can have something to spike the punch with” days are coming to an end.

Oh my god PA alcohol laws. The only way I buy beer here is if I accidentally end up in a big Wegmans or something that has the seperate section. Other than that I’m completely useless.

I was in the checkout line at a Floridian Publix a few years ago and noticed a bunch of magazines had dividers blocking their covers. Now coming from Pennsylvania, a state that makes buying alcohol a Herculean Chore, I thought Florida was just as cool with pornography as it was with booze and sold it right beside…

Damn unpaid internships.

From the very same people who brought you Ben Carson as head of HUD just because he’s black

Always the Tiffany. Never the Ivanka.*

Fluffer.

I would take ambassador to Italy in a fucking heartbeat. All the wine and pasta I can eat, beautiful cities, lots of history.... he is obviously an imbecile.

“No, she didn’t dump me. Are you kidding? I totally dumped her first!”

At this point, I’m not sure I believe this. It feels a bit like an attempt to save face.

SAVAGE.

I just

The Daily Show in its Jon Stewart prime could only dream to knock it out of the park like you did there.