I’ve got thick fingers. Trying to use regular floss is like trying to pick a lock through a screen door with a q-tip.

Your cat sounds pretty cool.

To which Loud Girl said, “No, I’m going to feed it to you.”

You could churn out a daily Farmer’s Almanac of shitty customer stories and you’d still never run out.

I knew that sooner or later the chickens would start turning to PMCs to do their dirty work. The cows were putting too much pressure on them. I just never thought it’d be Birdwater.

The only thing that will satisfy these people is a “Vaguely Asian Cuisine” restaurant.

I’ve lived in Georgia for 12 years and my god have I heard it mispronounced. Every other goddamn time someone says “Reese’s” they pronounce it as “ree-sees” and it sends chills up my spine. I never heard this in the northeast, even from children. Fucking toddlers can pronounce it correctly, yet adults down here insist…

Right? The rudest people I’ve ever met in my life have all been in the south.

Ever feel like everyone else but you got the manual on how to enjoy wine and beer? Maybe there’s a genetic component.

When I’ve tasted Bud Light, I tend to prefer water to wash away the taste.

Love me some burger-fries.

Wow, that does sound good, and I don’t even like beer. Tastes like foamy water that’s had bread and aspirin soaking in it.

Ted’s a jerk.

I’m just about half that. Probably just the naivety of youth, but I’m hoping I can make it.

These people are free to let themselves die off via old age if they wish. However, if life extension comes around, you bet your ass I’m jumping on it if I can.

What really gets my goat is the presence of a force or entity that can inflict some sort of awful, mind-wrenching eternal torment based on unknown criteria. Or something that can be so insanely terrible to witness that it causes death and insanity. Big fan of the Lovecraft mythos, basically.

Honestly? I’d try synth people. As long as I can be assured nobody was harmed in the process and that it’s disease-free cultivated meat, I’d try a bit.

Right?

I hear some of them are delectable fried in butter.

So we’re screwed, basically.